A Little Wine Knowledge Goes a Long Way

By Bradley Winkler

It’s such stuff as nightmares are made of. You’ve scored a date with that amazing woman, you’re sitting at a nice restaurant in your best “job interview and hot date” suit, and that snooty waiter is hovering over you as you look at the wine list: a minefield of unpronounceable names and years that mean nothing to you. You don’t want to look like an idiot. “Umm,” you mutter, sinking lower in your chair, “I’ll just have a Miller Lite, I guess.” You wake in a cold sweat …

So, what is it about this combination of grape juice and yeast that we call wine that inspires both such heights of ecstasy, and abject terror? Well, it’s one of the oldest drinks known to man, and over the millennia it has acquired quite a mystique. And deservedly so—no other beverage, not even beer, has quite the same partnership with good food. But it’s a double-edged sword, because there is a cult that has grown up around wine that has a reputation (deservedly so, in many cases) for elitism and, well, outright snobbery.

The biggest reason why so many people are legitimately afraid of wine is that there is just so darn much to know about it. And for the average non-connoisseur who doesn’t know Burgundy from Boone’s Farm, opening a wine list can be understandably intimidating. But the truth of the matter is that with wine, a little knowledge really goes a long way and the details pretty much take care of themselves.

When there are long and boring books on the subject of every little type of wine, can you learn to be a suave and sophisticated wine lover from one magazine article? Well, maybe not. But you can at least learn enough to sleep well the night before that big date, knowing you won’t embarrass yourself. So, let’s learn the basics about wine.

Red, White of Something Else?

When confronting a wine list, the first thing you need to know is what kind of wine you want to drink. Wines fall into two major categories, plus three minor ones. The vast majority of wines are either red or white, and that’s no great revelation to most people. But then there are wines that are pink (aka, blush or rosé), sparkling (for example, champagne), or fortified (mostly dessert wines such as Port or Sherry).

Reds are the heavy-hitters of the wine world. Almost all of the greatest, most expensive wines in the world are reds. Though there is a wide range of styles of red from light and fruity to heavy and syrupy, most reds are dry—while you taste some fruit in them, they are not very sweet. The taste and smell of red wine reminds many people not just of grapes, but of berries or cherries, spices, and even chocolate, tobacco or leather, depending on what kind of wine it is. Reds also have a tendency to be tannic when they are young: a chemical in the skins of the grapes from which they are made leaves your tongue feeling a little fuzzy, sort of like black tea does. Tannins are what give a red wine a backbone and preserve it, which is why some red wines can age for many years. Because of this, many people find red wines harder to warm up to at first, but getting used to the taste is worth the work. According to tradition, red wines go with red foods, such as red meat or tomato-based dishes. But there are always exceptions to every rule: some reds go great with roasted chicken, for example.

White wines are a lot easier to like at first because while many are not sweet, they are fruitier and don’t have that tannic quality that takes some getting used to. Contrary to what most people think, the majority of white wines are not made from green grapes; they’re made from grapes that are red, but the skins are removed before fermentation so they don’t impart red color to the wine—or tannins, which is why most whites don’t age very long. Certain white wines remind people of apples or melons, flowers, honey, and sometimes even freshly-mown grass or, believe it or not, cat pee (and they consider it a positive!). White wine is traditionally paired with white meat, seafood and cream-based sauces. It’s also the easiest wine to sit down with on a hot summer night.

Pink wines are sort of the red-haired stepchild of the wine world. They’re made by leaving the grape skins in the wine for a little while during fermentation. Many wine snobs turn up their noses at pink wines because of the popularity of White Zinfandel, a sweet (and usually low-quality) blush wine that some think of as alcoholic Kool-Aid. But not all blush wines are cheap and crappy; there are some excellent rosé wines (pronounced roh-ZAY) that are very food-friendly and drinkable on their own. They tend to be nicely tart
and refreshing.

Sparkling wines make most people think of New Year’s Eve and other times of celebration, but there’s no reason to save them for special occasions. There are both red and white sparkling wines, and the truth is, many go great with lots of different kinds of food. Only sparkling wines from a small area of France east of Paris are technically allowed to be called Champagne (and they tend to have price tags that match their exclusivity), but there are lots of other sparkling wines of every style made around the world, from sticky-sweet Italian Asti Spumanti to bone-dry Spanish Cava.

Some wines, both red and white, have some neutral spirits added during the fermentation process before the yeast has eaten up all the sugar, which leaves them both very sweet and also quite strong. These are called fortified wines, and they are usually drunk for dessert. The most famous are syrupy Port (originally from Portugal) and nutty Sherry (from Spain). And then there’s the key ingredient in a good martini—vermouth, which is also a fortified wine.

Old World or New World?

Wine is made all around the world, but the majority come from ten countries where grapes grow particularly well: France, Italy, Spain, Germany, the United States, Chile, Argentina, South Africa, Australia and New Zealand. While each country has its own specialty grapes and style, you can generally group them into two categories that have similar characteristics: Old World (Europe) and New World (everywhere else).

The first major difference between Old World and New World wines is how they are generally labeled. Old World wines are categorized according to geography: Bordeaux (a city in southern France), Chianti (an Italian region south of Florence), or Rhine (a river in western Germany), for example. New World wines, on the other hand, are categorized by what type of grape goes into them—the varietal, in wine jargon. The types of wines most people are familiar with are varietals: Chardonnay or Merlot, for example, which are basically different “breeds” of grapes. This makes New World wines a bit simpler to understand for most people, because it’s easier to guess what you’re getting.

The more important difference between Old World and New World wines, though, is the style. Old World wines are more rooted in tradition, and the winemakers strive for subtlety. The big buzzword related to Old World wines (especially French wines) is Terroir (pronounced tare-WAH), which sort of means “the soul of the earth.” Basically, it describes how every detail of the exact location in which the grapes were grown—the composition of the soil, the amount of sun and rain, whatever—affect what the wine tastes like, and the job of the winemaker is to allow it to come through. New World winemakers, on the other hand, tend toward making wines that are very “in-your-face” in style: either very fruity, or very oaky—whatever characteristics the particular wine has. The New World philosophy is to play it up, because more is better. It’s less about allowing the expression of the land, and more about the personal expression of the winemaker. Neither philosophy is wrong or right, and both styles are good, just different. If you want finesse, go Old World, if you want pizzazz, pick a New World wine.

Single Varietal or a Blend?

Closely related to the Old World/New World style question is whether the wine is made from a single varietal or a blend of different types of grapes. Just as most European wines are identified by region, they are also usually made from a mix of grapes, selected and carefully proportioned to balance their different characteristics. New World wineries, on the other hand, tend to favor making wines from single varietals, highlighting that grape’s unique qualities.

A California winery, for example, might bottle both Cabernet Sauvignon and Merlot individually, offering one for lovers of big, hearty wines and the other for those who prefer something lighter. A winemaker in Bordeaux, on the other hand, takes them both and throws in a couple of more obscure grapes (Cabernet Franc and Malbec, to be exact) in whatever percentages he deems best, reasoning that each grape has strengths and weaknesses that complement each other. Again, there is no right or wrong philosophy—they’re just different.

This Old World/New World difference is rapidly disappearing, though. In an effort to appeal to the New World wine drinker who is confused by geographic names, many wineries in Europe are also starting to market wines that are labeled according to varietal rather than geographic region, such as German wine that just says “Riesling,” which is a heck of a lot easier to say than “Hessische Bergstrasse” or “Mosel-Saar-Ruwer,” for example! Many affordable Merlots are appearing on American shelves from grapes grown in areas of France that are not in the most prestigious wine regions, and they can be excellent value for the price.

Many New World winemakers are, in turn, marketing wines that are blends. The Australians, for example, have for years excelled at Cabernet/Shiraz, a big and bold red blend. And many California wineries have started marketing French-style blends, most notably Meritage, which is an homage in style and name to Hermitage, the famous Rhône wine.

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